WITHOUT DOUBT, the great majority of men have been doing this very thing on their wedding night, and, as a result of this tragic beginning, were never again able to rewin the respect and affection their wives had for them as sweethearts.

Women, with certain exceptions, are peculiarly constituted by their Creator. It matters little how greatly a woman may love, how deep her longing to be possessed, or how ready and even anxious she may be to give herself to the embrace; she nevertheless expects her suitor to entreat her for the favor requested; secretly hoping that he will not give up until he has caressed her into submission.

This instinct, longing or desire, call it what we will, is born in the heart of every real, desirable, womanly woman. All men can well make this great, vital truth a part of their lover's creed. If a man is truly a man, as he expects the woman to be a woman, and if he but partially understands her - what man can do more - he will play his part of the lover with knightly bearing and with forbearance.

He will feel within himself that she has a right to expect this small consideration from him if his desire merits her compliance and in doing his part, it is certain that an understanding of the innermost desire of her nature will return many pleasures and blessings.

The sorrows and unhappiness rampant in the lives of the vast majority of married couples can be traced to the way of approach on the wedding night. Whether the wrong approach is due to ignorance or lack of manhood does not matter.

Generally speaking, the average man has in mind but one predominant idea; compliance with the privilege he believes to be his. He never gives a thought as to why this privilege should belong to him.

He is totally unaware of the duties devolving upon him with the compliance of the favors he seeks or expects. He foolishly imagines if he thinks about it at all - that his whole duty has been fulfilled in the fact that the woman of his choice has consented to become his wife; that he has married her and is providing a home for her together with the necessities of life.

In exchange for all this he feels that she is forthwith and thereafter bound to take care of his home, grant his requests when he is so minded, and both bear and care for his children when they accidentally result from his embraces.

All too often the woman is equally at fault; expecting a home, the possessions which make life desirable, with very little self-denial on her part, but much love and affection, in return or exchange for the least possible effort on her part.

Laboring under such false conceptions relative to their respective duties and privileges, the average man and woman are wed; enter the marriage chamber; and emerge in the morning, very much the wiser, though a great deal sadder for their experience of a few short hours, a feeling of mutual disgust ensues, with a cooling love for him on her side, and dissatisfaction with her on his side.

As an illustration, let us cite a case of which we happen to possess all the facts:

The young man we have in mind looked upon woman as the queen of heaven; would not believe that any woman could stoop to sell her body, and had an idea that all women were very much misunderstood - in which last supposition, of course, he was more or less correct. This youngster had some knowledge of sex laws, though totally ignorant of the wisdom which makes man a successful lover. He "fell in love" with a young lady of nearly his own age and believing his emotion fully reciprocated, married her.

They entered the bridal chamber, and like all of his kind - naturally so - he requested, caressed and coaxed for the privilege of a complete consummation of the marriage rite. Do what he would, the lady refused, turning away from him. She rather coldly informed him that had she married a young man of her acquaintance (a former suitor), she felt that he would have loved her without making such a request.

The husband's ideals relative to women, love marriage and the inception and birth of children were extremely high. He never would have given a thought to marriage had he entertained the slightest doubt that he had the love of the woman.

It is easy therefore to picture the effect such a statement had upon him. It chilled him to the very center of his Soul, and the love he formerly had for the woman who was now his wife suffered a shock from which he never fully recovered. The memory of the incident remained to haunt him and to loom up ghostlike when thereafter he was prompted to repeat his request.

This experience is merely an example of countless others, with slight variation one way or another, that occur daily throughout the world. In the main, such cases come as a direct result of the faulty instructions girls receive from their mothers. many of these mothers are themselves frigid by nature, having been begotten by mothers cold and embittered in heart, who were ignorant enough to instruct their daughter in the delusion that between man and woman love can exist independent of sex or its consummation. This is the most dangerous delusion under which a girl can labor. It is wholly devoid of truth and will most certainly prove destructive to her happiness if she attempts to govern her actions accordingly.

The girl should be minutely instructed in both her duties and her rights before she enters the bonds of wedlock. She must be clearly informed that passion is not love; that it can exist without love, and that when satisfied there is no longer any desire for the companionship of the one who served as the victim in its appeasement.

But, what is of greater importance to a girl and happiness, is the realization that while there is love without passion among the angles, and a semblance of the divine emotion in the weak and impotent, yet without passion there can be no such ecstacy in the hearts of real men and women.

Nature has seen fit to base conjugal love in companionship with passion; that there might be desire for possession on his part, and a longing to be possessed on her part, thereby assuring the propagation of the species.

She must also be taught that when man loves, coaxes and caresses her, the duty and love she bears him make it incumbent upon her to grant his reasonable requests.

Every woman, before her marriage, must be fully instructed in the consequences of the rite. Basically, it is an expression of love, having for its consummation generation or REgeneration. Under these conditions gratification and enjoyment are necessary for her well being. She must be impressed with the all important fact that the embrace should never be undertaken merely for the satisfaction of passion alone.

Love must primarily be the incentive, then some great desire, such as health, happiness or long life, must be firmly concentrated in the mind. Likewise must she be informed of the possibility of pain to be endured during the first, or first few marital embraces. It is the birth of anew condition; the opening of a new world to her; both natural and normal in every respect.

It is also necessary to impress on her mind the desirability of conserving her modesty, that she should never neglect her appearance but continue all that has charmed her husband; observing propriety in the matter of dress and undress, forever enshrouding herself in a veil of mystery so that she will not become commonplace in his sight. Apparently these are insignificant details, but upon them often hangs the hope of conjugal happiness.

Instructions to the man are of equal importance if happiness is to result from the union. He must be made conscious of the absolute uncontradictable fact that although he has considered himself lord of creation, there are a multitude of privileges belonging to him which he has no right to demand, though he may possess them if he can win them. It must be firmly impressed upon his mind that if he expects to retain a woman's love he must at all times respect her modesty. He should never attempt to uncover her unless she clearly indicates her desire; nor may he insist on the enjoyment of the sexual exercise, especially on the wedding night, but must win compliance by coaxing, caresses and loving attention; that failing, to deny himself such gratification - to be later repaid many times for self - control and patience.

He must be taught that a woman, even if she be his wife, may many times for good reasons of her own, refuse his requests even when she herself desires the embrace, and by continuing his caresses without further requests, he can often win her consent. He must use discretion in grasping a situation when she has cause for non-compliance, and cease his attention altogether for that time.

Rarely does a young man realize, until too late, after love has been destroyed, that in the beginning of marriage there may be far more unpleasantness than pleasure for the woman and that she complies with his request merely because of her love for him. It is at this time he must show the greatest gentleness; brute force may induce in her a sense of loathing for him, while understanding and sympathy will win her respect and bring him greater love.

An important lesson which most young men fail to learn is the fact that all normal women want and appreciate admiration of their person. There is not a full - blooded woman living who does not feel that the man who professes to love her should likewise cherish her form and think it admirable. If he fails to do this he will eventually regret his lack of appreciation.

A man should quickly appreciate the fact that though the woman of his bosom comprehends little or nothing relative to the rights and privileges belonging to her, she instinctively understands the art of love. This feeling or longing for love is inborn, and with her it is the open door to all she possesses.

If she is offered love, she will reciprocate by giving her all; by granting every desired privilege even to the extent of willingly sacrificing herself as well as her honor. Woman, by her very nature, is love personified, although this personification is frequently degraded. While man thinks of himself, of achievements, of his business and the thousand and one other details of life, she thinks only of her love. This is why his little attentions, his admiration and caresses are so welcome and so highly treasured.

Man's life is his business. Through force of circumstances the most affectionate man living often appears to accept love as merely as a side issue. This is seldom because his love is less sincere and less true than a woman's, but because he is the protector of his home and the one upon whom devolves the necessity of supplying the needs of the family.

In this he resembles the primitive man who often was obliged to leave wife and family for weeks at a time to secure the food they required. He did not voluntarily deny himself their companionship; necessity compelled him to do so.

Similarly the man of affairs must meet the keen competition of today and center his entire mind and whole attention on achievement of success. apparently he does not think of his wife, but deep in his consciousness there is an abiding love which manifest through his efforts to accomplish for her sake.

Should he at times forget the REgenerative Law of his being and request favors without the usual caresses, she must not hastily conclude that his love has waned or be foolish enough to accuse him of having in mind merely the gratification of his senses. This has led to countless disasters.

Woman's intuition is usually correct if her personal feelings do not becloud it, and will tell whether he really has ceased to care, or his action is merely an oversight of which all men are sometimes guilty. although it may be necessary or advisable for her to call his attention to his seeming carelessness, she should be tactful in her manner and not accuse him of a deliberate neglect of which he is really innocent.

Another source of much sorrow, and possibly the greatest test of his love for her, comes through opinions voiced, accusations made and slights offered by her when in erratic moods. If a man is wise he will ignore these periods and every act and spoken word connected with them, thereby preserving his own happiness and peace of mind, and ultimately earning her gratitude for his consideration.

A common complaint of men to their friends and physicians is that their wives generally choose the time during the marriage rite to tell them of their faults and weaknesses, or accuse them of unfaithfulness. This practice is most destructive to marital happiness and if continued is certain to create inharmony and mental unbalance.

The one time in a man's life when he really desires peace and contentment is while engaged in the love embrace. It is during this period that the mind should be wholly free from all external and disturbing thoughts and be centered on some great desire in addition to that for love satisfaction.

The woman who is foolish or ignorant enough to scold, find fault, or accuse during this sacred moment is certain to gradually lose the love of her husband. This is equally true when circumstances are reversed.

We offer no sympathy for the man who is vain enough to think he has the right to demand obedience from his wife relative to the marital embrace, and who fails to approach her with love and caresses. Such a man does not manifest manhood, or deserve the love of any good woman.

Without passion there can be no true and lasting love between the sexes, passion being the basis, the fire of love. Granting this, we emphatically state that there is no excuse for overindulgence of the passionate nature. Love itself may be manifested at times by other means than the embrace; and because a man caresses his wife daily is no reason he should that frequently be permitted indulgence in the marriage rite. The good Book informs us: There is a time and a season for all things. While there may be endearments and caresses whenever opportunity offers, exercise of the rite itself should not be sufficiently frequent to induce weakness. It should never be undertaken while there is either ill-feeling or a misunderstanding between the two, as this poisons mind and body and gradually builds up resentment one toward the other.

One of the most important requisites for the newly-married pair to learn is the necessity of controlling the passion if the union is to be a happy one. This applies to the woman no less than to man.

The theory that woman is usually passionless is wholly wrong, or if true, is regrettable. Youthful married people who have not been properly instructed in this respect are apt to fall into error and the embrace becomes an enervating habit rather than constructive exercise of the creative function. They must quickly realize that marriage does not give them the privilege of indulging to satiation; no individual should be guilty of such abuse and the marriage ceremony does not grant any right to do so.

It is the law in the creative realm that the more frequently the desire of the male in youth is gratified the oftener will there be a desire for indulgence. There should be a covenant between the twain, stipulating that the Rite may be indulged only so many times a week. If this is respected, their self-denial will be amply rewarded.

We do not mean to imply that such a contract should be iron-clad and not occasionally broken, but should be the law of practice in general.

While it is most desirable to derive pleasure from the act, there must be a deeper and more holy object in view. In the process of REgeneration there is no actual waste of vital force IF the Rite is completed. If the embrace is indulged for any other purpose than generation, there should be a full understanding between them to concentrate on some holy object or lofty ideal. There must be harmony between them and the crisis of both should occur as nearly as possible at the same time. The thought and the desire should be intensely held at the moment and it is well to draw up the breath and hold it during the exchange of the vital forces.

If this is faithfully performed the vital energy in the seminal fluid will be absorbed by the intensity of the female orgasm and will electrify her entire body, just as the electric current charges the bar of steel that has previously been prepared for a magnet.

In the male the thought and retained breath will absorb the magnetic force in the lochia released by the glands of the vagina and uterus. We repeat, there is no waste; but a fair exchange which is resultant of peace, happiness and health(1).
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(1) Let wise men and fools sneer all they please. Here is a mystery for happiness and the means to race REgeneration. It is the other, spiritual side of sex.
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There are very few people, irrespective whether married or single, who actually understand sexual laws; consequently it is rarely that the embrace is consummated as it should be. In most instances he indulges with no thought beyond his immediate gratification, receiving neither joy nor strength; hence little wonder she comes to hate and despise the act and feels disgust at the mere thought of it. Because of this ignorance and selfishness the exercise is hardly ever performed in a divine and holy manner but becomes a purely mechanical matter-of-fact, uninspired process. here, indeed, is one of the main causes for much of the dissatisfaction in married life.

If a man does not love a woman to the extent of wanting to caress and kiss her before he indulges in the Rite, and to do so AFTER the completion of the embrace, he does not really love her; the most that can be said for him is, that he is impassioned by her. Under such conditions he has no right to request her favors; to do so is to prostitute his powers and energies.

The lover's kiss, like the creative exercise, has been much misunderstood and abused. It is as sacred in the sight of God as the marriage Rite. The kiss is the symbol of true love, an emblem of affection; or, it may be the badge of hypocrisy - the kiss of Judas. It is sanctioned only between those who love each other, between women who are good friends, and between relatives. Any other indulgence is hypocritical and degrading to those kissing. On this basis it should be readily understandable how undesirable it must be in instances where the kiss is exchanged between those who dislike each other, aye, even come to hate each other.

Women are most frequently the lawbreakers. Who has not observed women kissing each other even when known to be bitter enemies? This is comparable to the famous Biblical kiss of Judas.

Another cause for the cooling of affection and what was once intense love may in some instances depend on temperamental differences, or can be traced to the general practice of continually sharing one bed. The married should sometimes occupy separate beds, and, when possible to arrange, often separate rooms, that modesty and privacy may be respected. The freedom often displayed in dressing and undressing in one another's presence is seldom conducive to the greatest attractiveness for one another, or deepest respect.

Those who live the manner of married life indicated will not be prudes; nor see anything in sex of which to be ashamed. To them all that pertains to the creative function will be beautiful, holy, divine, a special blessing and privilege which a considerate God conferred upon his children. They will also recognize that there is a time and a place for all things.

There are periods when he intensely wishes to see the beautiful outlines of the feminine form, and actually longs to "raise the veil," just as there are times when she desires him to do this. If they always share the same room and the one bed, the "human form divine" may become too common a sight; leaving nothing to the imagination of the god Love. Once imagination is dead, love quickly follows in the wake of the funeral.

Our experience teaches us that all who believe that sex is only for the gratification of the senses, who over-indulge and seldom, if ever, know a perfect union, having prostituted, debased and debauched the generative energy and so became abnormal, cannot see anything beautiful or divine in God's simple, yet most mysterious part of creation. The happily married are far removed from these unfortunates.

Too often those entering the marital relationship become careless in dress and appearance. Both should continually strive to please each other in this respect, after, as before the ringing of the wedding bells. When a woman becomes careless on her appearance, the husband's imagination may grow wayward and envisage a different woman than the one constantly appearing before him.

The reaction, of disillusionment - for that's what it amounts to - has the tendency to cool the depth of his love for her. Woman is not alone guilty. Indeed, the man frequently becomes more careless than she. Before marriage, he was a man in every respect; neat in appearance; gentlemanly in deportment; kindly, considerate, affectionate. To continue in this manner, after marriage, may seem too much trouble, but he must realize that her love means his happiness and he should exert every effort to retain it.

Love is the sum total of woman's life. Man is indeed foolish if he attempts to change her attitude. There never can be any "settling down" in her case. She expects the days of courtship in one form or another to continue after the wedding ceremony. Those little favors, flowers, presents, pleasing speeches and little flatteries are always desired by the real woman. All of them are a part of her being.

Irrespective of how prosaic or practical life may be, how many sorrows may be her share, these little attentions are as ointment to wounds; together they comprise the foundation of her continued love for him. He should gladly and freely perform these gentlemanly considerations, and never with the feeling or attitude that they are arduous tasks.

The young wife, on her part, should constantly remember that with man conditions differ. He draws a line of distinction between love, passion and business. Business is cold, calculating, and without emotion; foreign to a woman's nature.

Whatever a woman becomes interested in is based upon the emotion of either love or hate. She must never for a moment permit herself to forget that man can completely divorce passion from love. He can actually have passion for a woman without feeling any love for her, though he is not master enough to love a woman for whom he cannot feel passion.

In woman's sphere, except in rare cases, this is entirely different. Although she may be passionate, she will seldom allow her desires to be aroused unless she loves. Men and women are distinctly different from each other in their affectional natures. To obtain happiness and avoid grievous mistakes which often lead to sorrow and unhappiness, each must not judge the other by his or her own nature.

Dr. P. B. Randolph, often termed the world's greatest philosopher of love, stated it as a law, that woman will forgive a man if he so far forgets himself as to have sexual congress with another woman, but will never pardon him if she learns he has been caressing, kissing, and loving her, because this would be an affront to her own affectional nature, and law of her existence.

On the contrary, a man may forgive his wife when guilty of infatuation for another man, but will never do so if he knows her to be guilty of sexual embrace with another; because the basis of his being and his deepest love is founded in passion, which he considers sacred and holy unto himself alone.

Another important truth which should be instilled into every young man, one he should never forget under penalty of forever losing the respect of a true woman who may love him, is this: Never, or under any circumstances in her presence, voice any coarse, common or slighting comment on her sex, or any function of woman.

If she is true-hearted and loving, and we are considering only such, she expects, and rightly so, that he is a gentleman and considers every part of her being and of woman generally, as beautiful and desirable. If ever he foolishly attempts any slighting allusion, no matter what the motive, to her creative organism, or any other part of her body, especially of her breasts, she will be so deeply wounded that she will rarely, if ever, fully recover and again evince her former love for him.

The case of a little woman coming to us suffering from extreme nervousness, will partly illustrate this. We were well acquainted with both the young people before their marriage. She was a jolly little girl, a good companion, carefree and lovable. He was quite serious and apparently ignorant of the little weaknesses which make women lovable. They were married; and for a time happy.

After the birth of the first child, she lost some of her plumpness, especially the roundness of her breasts. On one occasion, just before the embrace, he foolishly made the remark that he did not like the appearance of her breast as well as he did before they were married.

This cut her to the quick, causing her to brood over her loss, and inducing her to try every means in her power to regain her former symmetry, but all to no avail. The continual nursing of the wounded feelings finally resulted in a nervous ailment lasting for years and expenditure of much money.

After consulting many physicians without relief, (and it must be here mentioned, he loved her deeply enough to make every effort to find relief for her), she come to us, confessing the cause of all her trouble. It required some little time and effort to convince her that merely because he had foolishly told her he liked her better, or preferred her with her former appearance, did not in the least imply that he loved her less the way she now was. She was told that, as an actual truth, he might even love her more when in this plight, because of his sympathy.

What a man "likes" and what he actually "loves" are two entirely different things. This is readily shown by the self-evident fact that a man likes to see his wife well and strong, but may dearly love her even though she is seriously ill. Once fully convinced of her erroneous interpretation of his remark, she made every effort to forget the incident, and within a few months was entirely free of the nervous affliction, and was her happy self again.

Some will question: "Does this mean that a man must be constantly on his guard in order to retain his sweetheart's or wife's deepest affection?"

We counter by another question: Must not the true musician FOREVER be on guard that he does not strike the wrong note?

An important question frequently asked: "How often should the marital embrace be indulged in?" There is no answer to this question. It depends first of all on the temperaments of those asking the question; on the state of mind and body, on their vitality and virility, on their age and on many other factors. If both are about equally sexed, then there should be an understanding and agreement not to engage in the Rite so frequently as to cause a feeling of weakness or enervation. The Rite correctly indulged in should always result in a feeling of peace and well-being. If one is highly sexed while the other is more or less sexually cool, then there must be an understanding and patience one with the other, each one conceding both the rights and abilities of the other; one not demanding too much, the other not refusing too much. In all cases, understanding and compromise alone can be the foundation of both satisfaction and happiness.

There are well-defined indications of the right use of sex laws which, if observed and followed, will give the correct answer to every questioner. So long as the embrace is exercised by two people who love each other, and a feeling of well-being and joyousness, without a hint of shamefulness, is resultant, it is a clear and unmistakable indication that there has been no over-indulgence. When the man feels equal to the day's task and is enabled to do it easily and cheerfully, when the woman finds it a joy and satisfaction to perform her duties, and her labor does not seem in the nature of drudgery, then normality is clearly evidenced. Under such conditions, the act is an incentive.

The man and woman whose present, and future, welfare signifies more to them than the immediate pleasure of indulgence, will regulate their conduct in this respect. The slightest hint of weakness or lassitude should be accepted as a warning; an indication of over-indulgence, a warning that the frequency of the embrace must be reduced. When good results follow a stated regime, the parties concerned are justified in believing that all is as it should be. In general, young married people should agree to certain elastic rules and regulations governing the exercise and adhere to them. Three times a week is usually a safe and sane rule to abide by.
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