Of the many who have soiled countless reams of paper dealing with this vastly important problem, few have dared to deal frankly and honestly with it and place the blame where it rightly belongs.
How many millions of parents in the past have asked the questions: "Why do girls allow themselves to be led astray?" and: "Why do our girls, apparently deliberately, choose the wrong path? Surely, they must know the difference between right and wrong; between the status of the "kept" woman and the maiden who has remained unsullied?"
Roughly, we would classify the causes as follows:
1. A love of ease that is stronger then virtue or morality.
2. Love of pleasure that is greater than the desire for purity and respectability.
3. The love of ease and position greater than for public opinion.
4. A love of possession stronger than any other desire.
In all these instances the desire for the things sought after is greater and deeper than the longing for affection and to be loved for the self alone. Little or nothing can be done to prevent any one of these from following her natural inclination. Only misfortune, deep sorrow or great suffering will lead one so insensible of virtue from the left-handed to the right-handed path.
The other classes - and these greatly outnumber the first four mentioned - can be roughly divided into:
1. Those who fall into error because they love and are led astray by the promise of love and its legitimate fulfillment. These fall as a result of faith and trust. They are virtuous and clean of heart; though they are betrayed, they are not "fallen" women; never will be, because the love which caused them to be misled and then failed them, will be turned into love for their progeny.
The universal formula, varying but little, of those who have misled them and will mislead millions yet unborn, is: "If you love me you will do as I request; if you will not, then I know you do not love me."
Since it is a universal law that women sacrifice for love, it is a foregone conclusion that they will comply and, if the lover is without honor, one more will be added to the great army of those who have "loved," most probably innocently, but not wisely. In almost all instances, these women make good mothers and excellent wives for any man who will thereafter truly love them.
2. The last and perhaps most pitiful class is the great army of girls in homes where there is neither peace nor happiness; where they are given little attention and less encouragement. These are homes where no love is shown them; where they receive little or no instructions; where they are given no part in the family relationship.
They are not wanted, or if they are, there is no real indication of it. They are not made to feel they are an actual part of the family, or that they have any responsibility in the family life. On the contrary, they are made to feel that, at best they are little more than driftwood; tolerated until they can find someone to take them out of the family circle. They receive little or no affection from either father or mother and are constantly accused of wrongs of which they are actually innocent and never even dreamed of committing.
Longing for love and receiving none at home, they fall easy victims to the first seemingly decent man who offers them his sympathy. At heart they are as pure and clean as the girls who listen to the voice: "I love you; if you love me, you will do as I wish. PROVE IT."
In these cases, and they are legion, THE PARENTS ARE WHOLLY TO BLAME. A little love, a little more understanding, and they would have been safe from evil.
THE PARENTS OF TODAY, BOTH AS REGARDS BOYS AND GIRLS, ARE MOST OFTEN THE CAUSE OF JUVENILE WRONGDOING. THEY FAIL IN FURNISHING A REAL HOME LIFE TO GROWING BOYS AND GIRLS - A HOME WHERE THERE IS LOVE, AFFECTION AND MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING. THESE HUMAN DESIRES ARE THEREFORE SOUGHT ELSEWHERE AND THE PRICE PAID IS FEARFUL. IT IS THE PARENTS WHO IN MOST INSTANCES ARE GUILTY OF JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: THE PARENTS WHO SHOULD BE MADE TO PAY.
It seldom occurs to the millions of questioners and reformers that if the average girl were given a correct understanding of herself, proper instructions and training, plus sympathetic understanding, therein would be provided the most certain preventive of making a wrong choice.
If a girl actually has an understanding and appreciation of the source and meaning of the sex impulse, the nature of the desire, the incentive to mate or be loved, she will be prepared to protect herself and at the same time retain the affection of the man who expresses a love for her. She will KNOW that to refuse improper requests is to become doubly desirable.
Unquestionably the mothers of exceptional character and broad-mindedness, possessed of love for their offspring and with the right attitude, who would instruct their daughters correctly if they knew how, are almost uncountable. It is their heart's desire that their girls shall remain virtuous and innocent of wrong, but they are at a loss to know how to properly guide them.
Evil itself is relative: the results of error are positive. It must be recognized that there are many and varying degrees of so-called "fallen" women. A girl may go astray; yet be truly virtuous in heart and Soul, and following her "fall" may continue in virtue, or become bitter and a woman of ill-repute. The direction of her action will depend entirely upon her disposition, her environments and the understanding of those around her.
The primary motive and cause must always enter into consideration and judgment of each individual case. Any number of girls, having made a mistake without evil intent, or led into making a mistake, recognize it for what is is, then proceed to reconstruct their lives and take their place in respectable society.
If the truth must be told, they are probably the better and more tolerant of others because of their unfortunate experience. Others again, for one reason or another, for which they may not be to blame, follow the downward path until disease, then friendly death, releases them from chains too strong to be broken.
Contrary to general opinion, there are conditions in the life of a woman more to be feared than the loss of innocence or first misstep, i.e., secret, unnatural, morbid, Soul-destroying solitary vices more degrading than the sex embrace outside of matrimony. For those who momentarily ignore the moral code there is every hope of correction and a useful, constructive life.
The girl who becomes habituated to unnatural inclinations and practices is seldom capable of becoming a satisfactory, satisfied wife and mother; the moral fibre itself having undergone a form of disintegration, a recurrence of habit, degeneration and possibly finally some form of imbecility all too often follow.
Two special reasons have been advanced for the downfall of the majority of girls: (1)Love, or what posses as love, and want of love or affection; and (2)desire for money or the things money can buy.
Of the first class it is safe to say that fully eighty-five percent of all instances were due to this cause. We say were and refer to the past century; now there are many other reasons as already stated.
The second class we pass by because there is little that can be done for them unless their desires can be satisfied in some manner before they take the decisive step.
As the normal girl approaches womanhood, she becomes conscious of a desire for affection and an outlet for her own affection. She is fortunate, indeed, if she has parents who understand and act accordingly.
She is made aware of an awakening within herself of what will later become the mother instinct; a desire to offer herself to one who understands or who she believes will understand her. It is to be borne in mind at all times that normally women are far different from men in their outlook and feelings toward life in general.
Where the man seeks for self-satisfaction in almost all things, the woman seeks to give, and by giving, receive vicariously. Perhaps - who knows - the great religious leaders may have based the theory of VICARIOUS ATONEMENT on this normal and natural feminine instinct.
The true woman, more especially the young girl entering adolescence and the woman approaching motherhood, deifies the object of her affection, bestowing generously of her worship, endowing him or it with godlike qualities and is therefore the more easily persuaded that her love must be proved to the uttermost. Perhaps that is why she so readily falls - unconsciously reaching out for a way or means to prove her love - she is easily seduced and led astray. Her motive is pure; she is actuated by impulses as old as mankind, although this motive or urge, even today, is but dimly understood.
It is a truth that all too many natures are incapable of comprehending they are committing "sin" when their consent is won for Love's sake." If otherwise sane and sensible parents of young girls could be made to fully understand this secret, very few of our normal, natural, healthy girls would be led astray.
Countless women possessed of highly (sensitive) organized nervous systems and of deeply religious nature, unconsciously deify their love consciousness by personifying it. Proof of such deifications and personifications are to be met with in all religious literature, a specific instance of which reference is to be found in GASGRAIN'S VIE DE MARIE L`INCARNATION.
This Marie of the confession is ready and willing to offer life itself that her desire for love, which she feels is divine, may be satisfied or fulfilled.
She confesses: "Going to prayer, I trembled and exclaimed,`Let us go into a solitary place, my dear love, that I may embrace you, at my ease, and that, breathing my Soul into you, it may be but yourself only, in the union of love. Oh, my love, when shall I embrace you? Have you no pity on me in the torments that I suffer? Alas, alas, my love, my beauty, my life! instead of healing my pain, you take pleasure in it. Come, let me embrace you, and die in your sacred arms.' Then, as I was spent with fatigue, I was forced to say: `My divine love, since you wish me to live, I pray you let me rest a little, that I may better serve you,' and I promised him that afterward I would suffer myself to consume in his chaste and divine embrace."
Despite all that has been said and written by those who have had little or no experience in the psychology of love, hence no first-hand knowledge, this same inner desire for love and a means to give it expression, governs the motives and actions of normal healthy girls and women to tender age. It is the age-old Psyche and her complicated and much involved love, desire, biological urge and motherhood complex without which mankind would soon cease to exist.
We have personally received the confession of many women, highly respected in their communities, who, destructively frigid in their sex relationship with their husbands, would attend religious revival meetings, and, having their emotions aroused through the hectic, and often fanatic, sermons, and the expressed, verbal and motion, emotions of the congregation, would pass through the sensual-nervous crisis as does the normal, healthy woman in embrace with her husband. Such a woman on her return home to her "lord and master," following the experience just described, would be as cold and virtuous (?) toward him, as ever.
However, in this department of our work we are dealing with the normal, healthy young woman who is capable of loving and desirous of being loved; not with the emotionalism of the hectic, fanatically religious, unbalanced-minded class.
Every mother is aware, if she has given the subject any thought whatever, that sex-awakening must come to her daughter, and that she, better than anyone else, is qualified, or should be qualified, to bring about such an awakening. She cannot fail to remember her own thoughts and desires during the days of her youth, and this remembrance should impress upon her that intimate sex knowledge is essential to the life of every woman.
The gradual process of the development from innocent maidenhood to desired womanhood, with its unfoldment and possibilities must not be accepted as a condition to be suppressed, crushed, ignored, or apologized for.
It is neither unholy, nor unnatural; quite the opposite. No greater blessing was ever bestowed upon woman than this most holy and desirable emotion of seeking to be possessed completely. It is a divine, deific promise, given in advance, of her value to the race of real men; that through this sex impulse she may add to the sum total of human happiness; become a channel for the birth of superior creatures, thereby hastening her own evolution conversely, or she may bring misery to herself and her progeny, delaying her own progress toward perfection. The results are always in exact ratio to what she has been taught as the truth, and the extent of her cooperation in the effort.
Mothers dare no longer shrink from the positive duty they owe their daughters. The origin, nature and effect of sex emotion and indulgence must be fully, sanely, and elevatingly explained; evasion and innuendos are misleading and delusive. When the girl receives enlightenment on both the cause and effect of her emotions, she will possess the weapon which knowledge alone can give.
The fear that an open discussion over-reaches the desired results, that the young are induced by curiosity to investigate hidden paths after they have been instructed, is not a sane or logical argument. The subject denuded of its false, insidious, secret aspect, presented in a normal, unprejudiced manner, will do much to curb undue interest. The beautiful, desirable and constructive, as well as the hideous, damning and destructive phases, all must have consideration.
Knowledge may add intensity to the girl's nature, but innate goodness, fortified with understanding, will be an incentive for her to follow the right path. Normal girls, as a whole, are naturally pure in thought and desire and will not be led to ruin through knowledge. Ignorance alone is to be feared.
One manifestation of the feminine sex nature (often the direct cause of a girl's undoing) scarcely, if ever, is given the serious consideration it deserves. This is the instinctive, inborn, mother-love nature, the natural inheritance of every normal female.
The moment the true woman loves, at that instant does she begin to seek a means to serve. It is her innate nature inducing a longing in her to supply all the wants of the loved one, whether of a social, mental or physical nature.
His comfort and well-being become her aim in life, and if she be uninstructed, the whisperings of her conscience will scarcely be heard and certainly avail nothing as against his pleadings.
He appears restless and hungered and in order to appease him, she readily offers herself - an unconscious sacrifice. The call of sex desire in her, though playing a part, is not as a rule the actual reason for her compliance with his request; it is the urge of the mother-love plus the desir to be possessed.
The ideal wife is half mother to the object of her love; she serves her husband as though he were a child; grants all his favors, whether demanded in or out of season.
A thorough explanation of this infinitely varied and complex side of her nature must be offered the girl, thus guarding her against an unwise sacrifice on the altar of love.
The actual purposes and usage of her creative nature are not understood by one girl in a thousand; generally all the information the many possess was gained from unreliable sources; from companions as ignorant of the actual facts as they themselves.
Because of this undesirable condition, the great need to prevent the multitude of innocent girls being led astray into "love unions," or what appear as love-unions, blindfolded, is for sane, sensible, thorough instruction and training.
Girls are best reached through the mother; boys through the father. But fathers and mothers must first be taught the laws and powers, uses and abuses of sex. Above all, the penalty resulting from disobeying these sex laws, either through ingnorance or choice, must be fully inculcated.
When fathers and mothers are imbued with the divinity of all of God's creation, no department of life will appear more sublime than this one through which he makes us co-creators with him.
When they realize this sublimity and harmonize it with knowledge, they are then in a position to outline the path that their young may follow in freedom and protection.
So long as parents possess only the sensational, crude, vulgar, and distorted conceptions of sex based on mis-information obtained during their own youth, so long as they believe this important subject is to be discussed in a veiled, obscure, secretive manner, ridiculed and condemned in public, just that long will they, the parents, be blameworthy and held accountable by God and the moral law for the sins and the shame and the suffering of their progeny.
Up to within a very short time ago it was a crime to teach anything that concerned sex and its expression. The time will soon come when men and women with families will be held responsible for the sex education and enlightenment of their sons and daughters, and it will be considered criminal if they neglect this sacred duty. Perhaps by then the church also will see the light and become active in the education and protection of the young in their charge.
What opinion would be formed of a man or woman who presented the boy or girl with a dangerous and intricate mechanism, compelling the child to make use of it, yet withholding knowledge of its operation and its dangers?
Suppose the machine combined both life-giving and death dealing qualities, and the giver refused to offer any instructions for its operation and the protection of the person - would we not rightly feel abhorrence toward him and seek his incarceration?
As a further illustration, imagine this same parent keeping close guard over the helpless child, building an impassable wall of "parental authority" about it, menacing the competent man and woman who were pleading for the privilege of instructing the child in the operation of the potent instrument. Is it not an appalling picture
If the modern enlightened mother were informed that her daughter possessed some great talent, would she urge the girl to dedicate it to the devil, having been informed that sin, sickness, misery and death were the consequences? On the contrary, would she not rejoice and help develop the desirable gift, uplifting and praising it, thus bringing joy, power, health and beauty to the daughter she loved?
Would a father willingly allow his children to play with a viper? Would not the heart contract with horrible fear at the very thought of its fangs and poison?
Despite the conjured-up picture, innumerable careless or ignorant parents are brutally indifferent to even greater and ever-present dangers and close their eyes to plain, uncontradictable facts. They leave their children to the malignant influences of ignorance, more deadly than the fangs of the viper, for these can destroy the body only. When ignorance takes its toll, they bewail their fate and impeach the Father of all-good, blaming Him, instead of themselves, when a daughter enters the brothel instead of a home; become the mother of an unnamed child, or suffers a lingering death from some loathsome disease.
WHO, AT THE GREAT ACCOUNTING, will be judged guilty, and suffer the greater punishment? Surely not the child born and raised in ignorance, lacking all knowledge of the evils confronting it, or how to protect itself.
The basis of sex instruction should be the holiness of sex. There is nothing degrading in normal passion. The only profane phase is the destructive thought of prejudiced, ignorant humanity, and the ignoble purpose to which sex is perverted as a natural result.
It is not enough to preach of the swift penalty following debasement of the creative function; the pure, exalted, sacred purpose must be enlarged upon. The possibilities for good or evil of the generative organism must be minutely taught; the dark, secret, and destructive usages of which humanity is guilty must be fully exposed.
Parents and teachers must search their own hearts for the slightest trace of impurity of thought; youth being psychically expert in sensing the least hint of shame, or the feeling of self-consciousness. Many who are today invaluable as teachers and leaders in the enlightening movement learned their lessons after reaching maturity, or through great personal suffering and the consequent adjustment, purification and self-effacement. All these, as which one voice, proclaim the necessity of purity of thought.
Of the many false conceptions respecting sex and its functions, that of repression is the most destructive and degrading. It has been impressed, more by inference than by actual words, that woman is coarse and unwomanly if she allows sex desires to become manifest. It has been taught that women, even if passionate, should not express their real feelings, but hood them in subjection, as something of which to be ashamed. Adherents to such beliefs become victims of the goddess of ignorance and gradually come to believe in unbecoming and even unrighteous to display any emotion during the marital rite.
In the marriage rite, woman has every right to as great an enjoyment as man. God gave passion equally to the male and the female; therefore the coldness resultant from restraint and of repression is unnatural. Under no circumstances should natural desires be denied and repressed and their possession considered with shame. Repression is the pathway to abnormal physical and emotional upsets; and if continued for any length of time, gives rise to degraded and perverted desire, followed by practices destructive to creative ability. Admittedly, passion should be held in proper subjection - wisely directed; this call for the exercise of the Will.
Many males, incorrectly termed men, subscribe to the theory that women should repress their real feelings, then proceed to condemn them for being cold; these have not yet reached the degree of enlightenment where they are willing to grant equality; have not arrived at an understanding of the necessity of the normalcy and desirability of passion in women. These men still remain in bondage to the past and consider it immodest for women to meet them with sincere feeling; possessing a divine right for equal exchange.
Girls must be taught that normal, controlled sex power is forever creative if rightly used and not abused; that if the creative forces are diffused throughout the body, they become the basis of strength and beauty of body, and brilliancy of mind. The perfection of woman's form, and smoothness, loveliness and texture of her skin, the sweetness of her voice and the fire of her eyes all depend on, and are due to, this creative energy.
When the girl finally comprehends that every part of her nature is God's gift to her to be used according to His law, she will rejoice in her possessions and nothing will be able to tempt her to debase them, nor will she do ought that may cheapen herself in any manner.
She must be brought to an understanding that unnatural repression, trying to root out, or kill any desire or function, is equally as wrong as misuse of that desire or function. Her sole duty is to be mistress of herself; to control the passions that at times rise and surge within her, until such time as she meets the right mate who will prove his love by contracting a partnership with her through holy wedlock.
Questions most frequently asked: "What are we to do with our daughters while they are passing the dividing line between girlhood and womanhood, possessed of an abundance of life, love, and creative instinct; how can we help them to control their desires?"
The first requisite is to keep the mind fully occupied with duties to be performed, or problems to be solved. So long as they are wholeheartedly interested in work and play, they are safe.
Treat the girls as we do the boys. Boys are active creatures and free themselves of excessive energy by work and athletics, recreation and special interests. Allow the girl to romp and be a tom-boy to her heart's content; you will never find the seed of sex trouble as long as she does this. When that age and stage is past, she must be induced to find interest in some other task or practice.
Work given her must be neither monotonous nor confining. Change is essential, as is time spent in the open air; and in whatever constructive activity she centers her mind she must be continually encouraged; it is imperative she have an incentive to act.
Above all, the home life must be made pleasant, her problems net with kindness, understanding and always with great patience.
Admittedly, not all girls can be guided in this manner. In the quiet, sedentary, studious, the pursuit most interesting to them should be encouraged; while the more active physical exercises should not be forced upon them. Music, painting, the arts, whatever they can be interested in,, should be indulged, care being exercised that the fancy does not lead toward the morbid.
Interest is the key. Instruct the girl in the laws governing sex, then keep her interested and the entire problem finds a solution of itself. The moment a girl becomes dissatisfied, the danger signal quickly becomes apparent.
The duty of every mother is positive. She must as closely devote her attention to the development of her daughter as the father does to his business. A man pays careful attention to every detail of his vocation, studies continuously how to combat certain influences; how to remedy leakage and deficits; is eternally vigilant. The mother's daughter is her business, and she must apply herself in like manner. If all is not as it should be, seek the cause; make necessary changes; be deft in the art of substitution.
Far too frequently the normal, healthy, vivacious, active girl is deprived of necessary innocent pleasures. She wishes to visit a friend, attend the theatre, witness a game, go on a picnic, or attend a party. These innocent pastimes are refused her; she is thrown back upon herself; trouble brews, and a deplorable situation quickly develops.
Her mind becomes resentful; seeking an outlet for her dammed-up energy, she allows her imagination to play too freely, and if evil companions or blasé stories have previously opened the way, the devil steps in.
The average girl, at this stage of her development, is not expected to set aside all pleasure; noble, elevating thoughts alone will not sustain her at this period of her life. When pleasures are denied, solitary vice, or secret meetings with the undesirable of the opposite sex, are almost certain to follow.
The solution of the problem is found in:
1. Teaching the girl the creative laws in detail and frankness; presenting every side clearly, especially dwelling on all that is beautiful, fascinating, beneficial, and constructive to herself and the race.
Invite questions and reply without hesitation, in chaste language and without self-consciousness. Praise her (within reason) to assist her in a correct valuation of herself. Be her friend and comfidant at all times and under all circumstances.
2. Supply her with work of an interesting nature. Dwell much on the honor of housekeeping and motherhood. Temporary employment about the house permits her to become efficient in housekeeping, or preliminary training for a vocation is highly desirable. Encourage the development of any apparent talent.
Do not allow her to become one-sided and impractical. Unless a girl has positive genius, it is better to encourage her to do several things well. The sensible, adaptable woman becomes the best wife and mother.
3. Exercise is one of the essentials. Any method, if constructive, is desirable. Games, tennis, rowing and walking are all highly important. If these do not suffice or appear unsuitable, arrange for regular gymnastic work. The object is to keep the body agile, the blood in active circulation, and the creative forces distributed.
4. Amusements are as important as exercise. All pleasure should combine harmless recreation with elevating tendencies. It is questionable whether any but the most esthetic girls could remain normal and free from vice without sufficient amusements.
Girls drift into the downward path because their requirements are neither recognized nor provided for by their natural guardians. Parents fail in their duty and this neglect cannot be corrected in after life.
During the formative period girls learn of matters concerning sex, and more often than not, it is the degrading conception that they acquire rather than an elevating comprehension of the influence and potency of the functions and forces. Once fully impressed with the wrong ideas, the girl becomes incapable of either understanding, or finding true love; consequently she is condemned to live on the husks of affection.
Parents generally seem to make but little effort to understand their daughters, their feelings, likes and dislikes, their inclinations, weaknesses and strength. They urge them to accomplish either too much or too little, allow them no amusements at all, or satiate their desires by overdoing. A sane, balanced, intelligent parent is a God-send, and angle of mercy, to any child. Let us hope for more such in the near future.
The girl of the present is an independent creature and it is unwise to either suspect her motives; accuse her of indiscretions, or to impute wrong to mere folly and inexperience. Parents should be absolutely certain of their information before even asking questions and never be guilty of making accusations. If there is guilt, meet it with understanding, sympathy and corrective instructions.
Mothers should love their daughters into obedience; counseling
them rather than commanding them. The young, whether boys or girls,
can more readily be loved than punished into goodness. Have faith
in your children; trust them; be companions and good fellows with
them; correct their mistakes, the quickly proceed to forget
them. Share your sorrows with your children AND THIS WILL
TEACH THEM TO FEEL. Share your joys, pleasures and good fortune
with them; this will ASSURE THEM THAT THEY HAVE YOUR LOVE AND
THAT YOU HAVE THEIR BENEFIT AT HEART. Be their parents, but also
THEIR FRIENDS AND CONFIDANTS and you need have little fear that
they will go astray. The child should be fully conscious of the
fact that whatever its faults or guilt, it can approach the mother
or dad in complete confidence of a kindly hearing without being
subjected to a lecture and that the opinion offered will be unbiased
and unprejudiced. Such a child will not make a confidant of strangers
or those who might mislead him or her. WHATEVER THEY MAY BE GUILTY
OF, BE A "GOOD FELLOW" TO YOUR CHILDREN. You would
be if they were your neighbor's children.
|Top|